So, I’m finally ready to do the thing…full-fledged sobriety that is. I think that I have hesitated in the past for many reasons, but the 2 biggest being fear of failure and lack of having an anxiety release. But, I realize that drinking is not helping my anxiety for more than an hour or 2, then it inevitably makes it 100X worse, with depression and self-loathing thrown into the mix as well. I’m responsible for this life of mine, and its a great life, I’m lucky to have it. I never intended to create a life that I wanted to run away from by drowning myself in alcohol, so whatever problems there may be, its time to fix them instead of hide from them. Also, failure is a part of life, if I mess up I just get right back on the horse. But my head is clear now and I am 100% committed to this for the first time in my life.
I am starting the 30 Day Sobriety Solution and will use this blog as my sounding board/journal for whatever comes up. Day one requires listening to a time travel audio and writing about your reaction to it. So here goes…looking into the future and seeing the me I will become in 5 years and then 10 years if I continue on this path is nothing short of dreadful. She is so sad and miserable about the life she has created for herself. She is lost and bitter. She is my aunt, who died almost 10 years ago, in her 40’s of alcohol-induced cirrhosis of the liver. I can NOT be her, my aunt, my future self. I already know how this goes, I have seen it with my own eyes. The me in 5 and 10 years who has chosen a new path is so beyond proud of herself and all that she has accomplished. She has looked the devil in the eyes and risen above. She is a warrior and she is amazing. I choose her.